TweetA few days ago my Goddess decided to upgrade Her membership at the tan place. In fact, we talked about it on the phone one night in passing. Needs to look Her best when shooting Her clips, of course. Right after She upgraded, She sent me a text telling me that i was reimbursing Her, so send Her a hundred fifty-five bucks–and change. lol Since i can’t pick it off the money tree, i am a little slower than i used to be these days, but said i would get it to Her.

On the spur of the moment, She and WebGod decided to go to Louisiana, ostensibly to shoot clips, but really to have fun—and gamble. At that point Goddess decided that She wanted that money right then so She could piss it away without spending Her own cash. It was the last thing i needed to hear, but when She became a bit irritated at me, i knew that i had to comply. i can’t stand Her being upset with me. For one thing i just feel so bad when She is upset, and i’m also afraid of what She could do to me. lol Also, there is the matter of my chastity device reminding me of just how much i need my Goddess. Especially after 210 days of being caged. So by the next morning, the day She was scheduled to leave, i sent Her a Green Dot.

Her response? “Good pet. Now go fuck yourself.” That might sound like a slur being hurled at me by an ungrateful Goddess. And while it is degrading for sure, and could not be handled, perhaps, by an untrained, or more to the point, a broken slave.

When i heard Her degrading remark, all i could think of was being allowed to actually fuck myself, instead of continuing to spread myself out with my big plugs. For a broken sissy bitch like me, instead of worrying about being embarrassed about my feelings and behavior, i am so desperate that i can’t wait to get my cyber skinned cocks into me now spread hole. Of course, before i can fuck myself, i must get into some appropriate clothing. So i slipped on a matching bra and panty thong to set the mood. This outfit else sets the tone of my fucking. This sissy is hot, really hot now, an i need to be fucked. So after taking a few quick pics for Y’all, i laid down

so i could get down to business with my dildos. It’s been awhile since i just fucked myself. Fucked myself like i really need. I don’t like to even talk about my need to have my hole filled. Filled by something that just feels good sliding in and out of my now accommodating hole. 

So i grabbed my “date” for the evening and began thinking about how lucky i was that my Goddess was pleased enough with me that She would reward me with what would be insulting, i suppose, to others, and allow me to fuck my hole. Fuck it, with Her blessing, until i couldn’t move.  Perhaps my Goddess doesn’t appreciate fully what She has done to me. Probably doesn’t have the time to consider how Her pushing and proding has altered my perceptions of what sex for me should be like. She seems to think these days that somehow my illness has changed me. Things are not quite like they used to be.  Perhaps. Trauma in one’s life usually changes them. And i know that mine has changed me. But my attitude is the same, i think, and i don’t see any changes in my sexual orientation other than the ones Goddess Nikki caused. So with that in mind…

i began to get my date for the evening lubed up . i love sucking my toy cocks for Goddess N.  i have missed Nitrilla, recently,who for some reason is MIA for awhile now. She used to train me to do things i could show Goddess N, such as deep throating this thing for Goddess N’s amusement. i always want to be at my best for Goddess N in person and especially on film as it is important if anyone else is going to want to watch and buy any at my clips4sale store (above).

i finally thrust the cock into me and fucked it. i fucked it, and its bigger brother for most of the night. Thanking Goddess Nikki, with each deep thrust, for the privilege of doing it, as all as making me like this in the first place. It felt so good going in and out. Being shoved in as deep as it could go. as in my pic (right). Perhaps i;ll post some pics on tumblr, but for sure on my web site.